talitha cumi

not a lot of people know my life story. not a lot of people know my family history. not a lot of people know that two weeks before the first grade my mom and i got into a really bad car accident that completely changed the lives of our entire family. my mom’s heal was crushed. a plate and seven screws were put into her foot and she was told it would likely hurt for the rest of her life. from then on my mom wasn’t able to enjoy the same freedoms that those of us with two working feet have. she can’t run, walk around the mall, climb stairs, or hold her grandson without constant excruciating pain. over the years shes gotten numerous surgeries all of which have just worsened her condition. last year she was given a permanent handicap sticker which pretty much drained her of all hope. all of the pain she suffers affects our entire family because she is constantly drained emotionally and physically and shes just not as happy as she was almost 12 years ago. now, she cant remember a time when she wasnt hurting. the pain consumes her life.

recently she heard about a brand new procedure that could possibly heal her of all her pain. last week she got a shot straight into the bones in her foot and she came out of the doctors office with absolutely no hope that it would work which broke my heart.

then, wednesday night at shift brian talked again about Jesus as healer. up until that point, hearing week after week that Jesus heals, i grew to have faith that Jesus can heal my mom. but wednesday night was a huge wake up call for me. the story that brain told us was of a dead girl and a sick woman. thr set up is pretty much that a man named Jairus seeks Jesus’ help to heal his daughter. On his way to heal the daughter.

“A large crowd followed and pressed about him. And a woman was there who had been subjecct to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, ‘if i just touch his clothes, i will be healed.’ IMMEDIATELY her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.  AT ONCE, Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked ‘who touched my clothes?’       ‘you see the people crowding against you,’ his disciples answered, ‘and yet you can ask, who touched me?’    but Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. he said to her, ‘daughter, your faith has healed you. go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’”  (mark 5:24-34)

the story goes on to say that Jesus went to Jairus’ house and raised his daughter from the dead. but the resurrection wasn’t what caught my attention. the thing that stood out most for me was that the woman here had the same exact story as my mom. she had been in constant pain for twleve years and the people that tried to help only made things worse. and her faith HEALED her. this thought brought me to tears. in that moment after hearing this story i knew my mom could be healed too. all through worship i just cried with joy. i prayed over and over for my faith in Jesus to be enough to heal my family.

at the end of the story, after Jesus resurrected Jairus’ daughter he said to her “talitha cumi” which means “little girl, i say to you, get up!” now i have all the faith in the world that my mom can stand up because she can be healed. after sharing all of this with brian i cried all the way home then i crawled into my moms bed and read to her the story of this woman. and i told her that she had to have faith because Jesus heals.

a few weeks ago at echo we talked about shutting out all the noise in the world in order to hear what God was saying to us. i started getting…. for lack of a better word… discouraged because i had heard all these awesome stories about people hearing the voice of God and actually having conversations with Him and i’d never experienced that closeness. after hearing the story of the woman being healed i felt like such an idiot. God had been trying to speak to me all night, even longer than that. it just took seeing my mom’s story actually in the bible to see that God is speaking to me and He is trying to communicate im just not listening. i know that hearing this story was no coincidence. “thats my Jesus” as brian would say. so to all of those out there suffering i say to you: have faith and  ”talitha cumi.”

you are what you eat

you are what you eat. i never really understood that saying. for at least eight years there has been a cartoon from the sunday paper on my grandparents fridge. its of a boy sitting at the kitchen table and in front of him sat a plate full of carrots. he looks at them thoughtfully then says to his mom, “Sally says you are what you eat. I dont want to be a carrot.” i took this way of thinking literally for the past eight years up until the first day of school in my economics class. the teacher is one that makes me really think outside of the box and as i was sitting there i pondered the meaning of this phrase “you are what you eat” and suddenly it clicked. it doesnt necessarily mean you are the food you eat, it means you are what you consume, what you take in. as i sat thinking about this, i realized this isnt really true either. we arent just what we take in. often we see, read, and hear things that arent particularly good for the soul. this doesnt make us bad people. for example, my mom and i love to watch scary movies. this doesnt mean we are murderers! i think, as people we are more of what we swallow, what we digest and marinade on. we are what is in our hearts. if we think on lovely, happy, beautiful, holy things then we will be a lovely, happy beautiful, holy people.

“the kingdom of God is within you” (luke 17:21)

God is the only bread we will ever need to consume. through him, we will never go hungry, never thirst for anything but the love and mercy of Him.

Ive also learned that we are what we regurgitate, what we let flow from our mouths. i, as a teenage girl, often suffer from word vomit and let hurtful meaningless words spew from my mouth. it is my goal and my duty to speak nothing but kind, encouraging words no matter what it takes. i often rolled my eyes when teachers told me “if you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all.” but now i understand that every single word i let flow from my mouth affects the people around me.

“dont you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? but the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’” (matthew 15: 17-18)

God tells us that it doesnt necessarily matter what we consume, it matters what we put out in the world. what’s in our hearts and in our minds is what truly matters. my prayer is that prayer continually flows through my heart and praises continually flow from my mouth.

sweet summertime.

summer is officially over. i knew about a month ago that i wanted to really marinate on the events of the summer on this day. ive been thinking a lot of the people in my life. the ones that changed my life and my way of thinking and praying and the ones that helped me build character and helped repair my foundation. the summer was a whirlwind of crazy cool sport camps and late night talks and tearing down walls and awesome bible studies. all of which shaped who i am today. i really just wanted to reflect on some good memories and good advice.

recreation… wow. what lasting memories i will take away from rec and all the summer camps and all the staff. huge things happened in me this summer because of this ministry. i got the opportunity to coach a bunch of little kids not only in sports but in their walk with God and looking back, they coached me too. one day,  i was trying to explain the magnitude of Gods love to a bunch of kindergarten girls. i found it tough because i had just recently begun to grasp the concept myself but i was trying hard “God loves you even more than your parents do! his love is bigger than this world”  and one girl said “i thought my parents loved me most. how is Gods love bigger?” and i was shocked. trying to explain the concept of infinity is hard especially to a small child. allison and i came back with “Your mommy and daddys hearts are only this big.” pointing to our chests “but Gods love is bigger than the universe.” we went on to explain that Gods love was like air. that you couldnt see it but it filled EVERY place on earth. because God has no body, his love is limitless we tried to explain and in return we received looks of shock and awe. another time, at football camp, a mom walked up and said her child, james dean, had told her the night before that i was the most encouraging coach he had ever had. i was so touched because i knew absolutely nothing about football and i felt extremely inadequate. to know that i had touched that kids life just by giving him simple compliments made my heart ache. thats when i knew for certain that i wanted to serve God any way i knew how. 

bible study gave me some amazing insight. from kelsey i learned the importance of community and accountability and laying yourself down for God. from Brian, who is constantly making me think, i learned to get out of the boat and to ask myself who is benefiting from my nearness. i learned the importance worship and how to do it with abandonment. i learned to work out my salvation. i learned to act IMMEDIATELY when i am called to act. i learned that God is my light. i learned from terence that a boy will not complete me. the only thing that completes me is Gods love and i am whole only in Him. and that FINALLY clicked for me. most recently i learned to be a complete fool for Christ. i also got some really great insight from an exceptional person. lauren schoonover and i were talking about our faith and some how love came up and she said this: all we have to do is run straight towards Christ and what is meant to happen to us, whether it be a job opportunity or a boyfriend, whatever is meant to happen will be placed in our path and as long as we run straight towards God with blinders on, nothing wrong will come. this is a goal of mine. to just sprint for God. im not a fast runner and i have no stamina in running, but i have a feeling that running for Christ will be a lot easier.

ive never ever been one to ask God “why, why me?” thats never really been my mindset but the first time i really realized God had a plan for me was at the end of my sophomore year. i had dated taylor for over a year and we had a really hard break up and i didnt understand why then about a month later he told me that his moms job was finally making his family move to california. i walked away from that moment and i praised God. i realized right then and there that God was looking out for me and he would never put something on me that i couldnt handle. i realized that we had to break up so that it didnt kill me when he moved. i thanked God every night for months that He had a plan for me and that every single event in my life happens for a purpose. i clung to that thought for a long time and this summer i found out what Gods grace was all about. over and over, His plan for me was exposed and i grew into myself completely.

this summer i made some really great friends all of which have furthered my relationship with Christ. i love who i am now and im living because Christ lives in me. now, my actions are not for myself, but for others and anything that is good that comes from me is not from me at all but from Christ. my goal for this year is to never lose this thought and to keep running towards Christ. i know now not to worry because everything is in Gods hands so i just pray that i dont lose sight of what matters and who ive become. i pray that i let nothing get in the way of Gods plan and i pray that i move immediately when God speaks to me and puts something on my heart. i pray that i make a difference and step up. i pray that i turn my thoughts into prayers and live intentionally in the community that has accepted me and which i love. my prayers are far and wide. always praising Jesus.

living intentionally

recently a lot of things have been thrown at me that have really touched my heart. a few blogs, some awesome church leaders, some great interns all of these things have really been food for the soul for me recently.

some things on the brain:

living intentionally. this has been at the forefront of my mind for about a week now. terence said something at emerge last tuesday that just really stuck. he said something along the lines of “its not the act itself, but the heart behind the act that truly matters.” so i got to thinking. am i living intentionally for Christ? ive really been trying. ive prayed about this one and ive prayed that i can be spiritually disciplined enough to turn my thoughts into prayer. that may sound strange but i actually pray for prayer. i really want to focus daily on what God’s plan is for me. one of the interns said it this way “stay focused on what really matters and throw everything else out the window.” i think this is SO important if im going to live intentionally. i have to throw everything else out the window. i have a lot of trouble with this sometimes because im definately an over analyzer but im working on just letting it be. if im lending my time to these things, im not giving my attention to God and thats my downfall.

ryan bussiere said something really great sunday that kind of put it all into perspective for me. he said there are two ways to pursue Christ. you can either pursue Christ to gain Christ or pursue Christ to gain something else (fill in the blank of want here). he said when we pursue Christ to gain something else, when that something is gained we begin to love it more than Christ and with all the distractions in the world its easy to fall into this kind of pursuit. i agree. its so easy to be the thorny type of soil that receives Christ but then lets all the STUFF of the world come in and take over our minds whether it be money or sex or attention all of these things are detracting from God and after all, Jesus died for us. i dont think money or fame can claim the same thing. so through all of the clutter in the world today, my prayer is that i break through all of the mess and find what really matters. i pray to live intentionally for Christ.

 

the second thing that i was reminded of this week: i heart. i had seen the video clip about a month or so ago and even wrote down a few of the things that were said but somewhere along my walk it all just got lost. so how could i forgot about something so heartbreaking? how could i ever forget that around the world and in our own neighborhoods horrible things are going on daily? has my heart grown so hard?  what does it takes to remember? brian’s brother in law, jeremy, said something in his interview for his upcoming climb for captives that really stood out. he said something like we as americans see so many humanitarian causes and are exposed to so many atrocities that we dont know what to do with it all. i think this is absolutely true. we hear all these stories about starving children with no water and prostitution and slums all over the world yet we do nothing, maybe we send up a little prayer but it takes action. Jesus was all about action. we hear all the time about how Jesus performed all these divine miracles back when he was alive that we forget Jesus is alive in us today and through us these miracles are still possible. i think we take them for granted. brian mccormack recently blogged about being a bored Christian and he said “Boredom invades our life of faith when we let the divine and miraculous become typical and routine.” i guess im challenging myself to act when i am moved IMMEDIATELY as andy nixon keeps saying. i think its a struggle for me to actually act but its one im overcoming.

 

the last thing ive really been focused on is something brian challenged us to find out. who is benefitting from my nearness? am i doing enough to make a difference? its been in my prayers the whole summer. since the night before i left for mexico its been on my heart. its times like these when i really wish i had an accountability partner. ive been praying to find someone i can really trust and someone who will keep me on track..

so this never quite comes out the way i want it to i guess im just praying that God keeps  moving in my life the way He has this summer. hopefully the school year wont tear down all ive worked for. pray for me!

servanthood

i’ll be honest… i came into this summer with selfish motives, ones that didn’t lift up God and what he stands for. but im leaving this summer behind focused on being a servant and turning all my thoughts heavenward. to put it simply. ive just plain changed. most people cant pin point a date when their change occurred after all change is gradual. i remember not feeling quite right during the school year. i felt stagnant on my walk, which is never a good feeling. i was lukewarm for sure but when the summer came around, serving fell really heavy on my heart. i’m not one to ignore a heavy heart because i feel that gut feelings are Gods way of speaking to me. i think God puts things on our hearts so that we can go out and do these things and continually lift Him up.

enter servanthood. ive always been a people pleaser. coming from a broken home, i never saw my dad much, so when he was around, i didn’t ever want him to be mad at me. i love making people smile so when i let people down i get really upset. i feel that God has called me to serve and his call is LOUD! this summer, ive had so many opportunities to serve and share my story. i feel the need to spread the word that God is your only shot at grace and Hes forgiving and accepting and He wants us all to succeed. ive given myself wholeheartedly to the idea of being a servant because what we do for others, we are actually doing for God. and i dont know about you but i think i owe God more than a lot. i feel that being a servant is my duty but i willingly, passionately, joyfully serve.

God of Justice, Savior to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we’ve received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we’ve received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

this song, God of justice,  is by tim hughes and it really spoke to me for a few reasons.

• Jesus “chose to serve and not be served.” he couldve so easily said to the people you serve me. but he washed their feet, he fed them, he healed them, he served them. thats HUGE. if Jesus can serve, so can i.
• act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. thats micah 6:8 the bible verse weve been studying weekly at all the upward summer camps. its in this song. if thats not a sign i dont know what is.
• “keep us from just singing move us into action” if you know me at all, you know i love to sing. i am ALWAYS singing. it really spoke to me that singing is not enough. actions speak so much louder than words and God wants us to actively pursue Him.

ive learned this week that rest is vital to service. rest is one of the values of zoe life church and its a value i sorely underestimated until i got sick. you cannot serve if you arent rested physically and mentally. you have to be in the right state of mind to serve and serve for the right reasons. as i mentioned, i love to sing but because i neglected rest, im missing out on two things i love to do. i cant serve and i surely cant sing when im sick. so not only should you pour out, you should allow yourself to be poured into. im a very headstrong stubborn person so i dont accept help or compliments easily. but im learning that i cant carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and i need to accept compliments with stride because  sometimes i need to be lifted up! its something im working on.

all of this never seems to come out quite the way i thought it would so i guess what im trying to say is, if something is put heavy on your heart act IMMEDIATELY. dont wait. go now. do it now. act now. God wants you to move so He can move through you. He has given us all the tools we need to make our way through this world. Hes given us the right amount of strength and the right amount of courage. so do not fear, take everything in stride. God has called you to move, so move NOW. dont hesitate.

rebirthday

one year ago today i was baptized. saved. reborn. whatever you want to call it. i call it the beginning of my life. the other 16 years just dont matter. one year ago today my life began and looking over that year all i can do is smile.

i didnt start off the way i should but this summer has truly changed my life. ive learned so much about myself and about God. ive learned that im not who i was. ive grown and morphed into someone much better, more joyful, and extremely thankful. i wouldnt be where i am today without all the people that encouraged me to dig down deep and put myself out there for everyone else to see. looking over the summer i think of all the things ive done and seen and all the people ive met and gotten closer to. i thank God every day for all the experiences and people that ive been blessed with this summer and im sad to see it all coming to a close so quickly. it seems like yesterday when i was walking through the doors of the church to be an intern for the rec team and now im watching eight amazing people walk out the doors to go onto bigger things. so

to phil: wow. what can i say? you crack me up. all the time. im going to miss you. the team just wont be the same without you.

to kelsi: never stop smiling. youre an amazing girl and im going to miss your sweet smiling face.

to garrett: oh garrett… thank you for being there for me over the years. and dance every once in a while. its good for your health.

to beller: just saying your name brings a smile to my face. i will never forget you as long as i live. all of your crazy antics got me through some pretty long days.

to duncan: im so glad i got to know you. youre a great kid and i hope you accomplish all of your goals in life. keep working on that serve because i want to see it when you  come back next summer.

to allison: you are an amazing girl. i loved watching you grow in your faith. you are a beautiful person inside and out and you made my day day after day. never stop encouraging people and i will always be there to encourage you.

to casey: im so glad i got to know you. theres never a dull moment when youre around. im going to miss the dodgeball games and slap wars. youre a great guy and im going to miss you and your shibby self.

to andrew: i dont think you know this but you really inspired me to get involved and for that i am always thankful. i could never quite figure you out but i do know that you are one great guy. your faith is astounding so never stop changing lives.

i wish every single one of you the best of luck. i pray that you all find people to inspire you the way you have all inspired me. youve all changed my life in some way and im thankful that i was blessed with the times we shared. i love you all and you will be missed greatly.

my goals for the next year: to get plugged in. mission mexico, um army, wilderness, edge camp, break through, small group, style your soul. i want to do it all. and more. i want to get involved. to encourage. to speak only words of praise and encouragement. to never bring anyone down. to turn my thoughts into prayer and praise. to find Jesus where ever i go. to be a better friend and person. to find the beauty in the world. to spread The Word.

if ive learned anything in the past year its that this life isnt all about me. its about giving and prayer and fellowship and community and diving into the word. its about loving others and submitting to others in the name of Christ. ive learned that Jesus doesnt walk with me. instead, i walk with Jesus and i wouldnt have it any other way.

ive learned that im definately not who i was a year ago. ive changed for the better and im hoping the difference is noticable. ive learned to forgive and  im working on the optimism and putting my trust in others. im learning that faith is all i will ever need and i must go immediately when i am asked to move. ive learned that the consequences of a shallow relationship with God are immense so im diving into the word blindly and i have faith enough to know that God will never misguide me. He will never lead me astray and He will never give me more than i can handle because he wants us all to succeed. God is Love.

this never comes out quite the way i want it to but what im trying to get at is im so glad my life has lead me to this point and im excited to see where my walk with Christ takes me.

brokenness

 a few months ago terence suggested we find someone and confess all of our brokenness to them. ive been having some trouble ever since then finding exactly where my brokenness lies. ive stumbled across a few things but one huge flaw staring right back at me in the mirror every day is pessimism. im the type of person that dives into new ventures who heartedly and not holding back which in turn often leaves me very disappointed when things inevitably just dont work out. im horrible at facing rejection so ive found its better to just not get my hopes up. i find there is a thin line between optimism and foolishness and i dont want to be that foolish girl everyone feels sorry for because she always has her head in the clouds. im having trouble finding balance between giving all i have to being optimistic and holding back enough so im not crushed when things just fail. its a work in progress…

also ive been worried a lot lately about people not seeing the huge change ive made. i fear that ill always be viewed as that mean girl instead of the girl i really am: excited for life and hungry to learn and faithful to the core. ive been wrapped up in going back to school and wanting to prove that im not who i was that i never stopped to realize, until last night, that it doesnt matter if i prove it to people or not. i already have approval from God and He is the only one i need to prove myself to. so now im going to focus on watching what comes out of my mouth and how i can use my words to encourage instead of tear down. in turn i think the people around me will start to notice the change.

speaking of worry… thats my other huge brokenness. i am a worrier. but through reading the word ive learned i am “worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed” (luke 10:41) and its true. i need to stop constantly worrying about a million different things and let whats supposed to happen happen. i realize more and more every day that every small thing that happens throughout my days all of those things are just stepping stones for something much bigger in the future. its not just a chain of random events. these are the events that God has laid out for me. its my walk with Him and i should never doubt that.

this year i really want to focus on working hard and finding love in other places than the places ive been searching. i need to surround myself with a supportive loving encouraging community that accepts me and doesnt yield my walk with Christ. i need to submit even when i know im right. i need to take the high road and the narrow path. i need to give my whole heart to God and let Him lead me to exactly where i need to be. its a huge task and a lot to work towards, but im definately up for it.

this journey has lead me to some pretty amazing and heart breaking things. whatever is to come, ill stand with arms high and heart abandoned. ill stand my soul Lord to you surrendered all i am is yours.

the power of prayer and all that jazz

ask and you shall receive.

its true. up until about two weeks ago i had been feeling so lost in my walk with God. i didnt know where to turn and i kept praying that i would learn where i needed to go. then i started going to youth and we talked about prayer and getting into the word and all of a sudden everywhere i turned, that was the discussion. praying. praying about praying. praying about the word. even the little kids are learning how to pray in the club house 21. now i dont feel so lost. now i feel like im right where im supposed to be and im FINALLY diving into the word and finding my way.

i used to be so scared because i didnt know where to start or what to read first but the truth is, it doesnt matter WHERE you start just as long as you DO start. and there are so many ways to get into it. whether it be SOAPS or reading it cover to cover or picking a value and reading about it and making that value your entire life for a week. anything works because youre getting to know God any way you do it. in midst of all this prayer ive learned a lot about God and about myself. but most of all ive learned that theres always something to pray for and also ive learned that the gut feeling i get to do something or not do something is God speaking straight to me. if He makes my heart hurt for something, im going to pray about it or find a way to make it better. and im going to keep growing and learning and trying to make a difference always because thats what God called me to do.

so let me ask you this… have you had your quiet time today?

church under the bridge.

one word. hosanna! if you havent found God, He is under that bridge.

getting on the bus, i felt anxious. i didnt know what to expect. how many people would be there? what would the service be like? the whole ride was filled with anxious chatter. no truely deep conversation. getting off the bus i was met with the roaring of the highway above us and i had to strain to hear the group leader as he gave us advice and prayed us in. as i looked around our circle, i was met with unfamiliar faces from places unknown to me, but we were all there for a common goal: to serve.

as people started showing up, i didnt know what to do but i soon encountered a woman that was soft spoken and couldnt speak english very well. i kept leaning in closer to hear what she was saying. from what i understood she had been all over the world. brazil australia mexico because she was adopted. she was shy and from the look on her face, i could tell she was having a hard time yet SHE was the one greeting ME. telling us to enjoy the concert and dinner. as we took our seats, i also took it all it. the noise and chaos seemed to disappear as worship began and even though i didnt know the songs, i clapped my hands because i was so amazed at what was going on around me. the man sitting in front of jordan and would randomly clap on the down beat which made me smile and i clapped even louder.

after worship they asked if anyone needed to be prayed for. four people stood and our team gathered around them to pray over them. jordan and i first chose to pray for this man who had an addiction problem. halfway through the prayer i could feel an arm around my shoulder. brandon. he laid his head on my hand. by accident? i have no idea. but it didnt matter because in that moment. All that mattered was praying for that man to make a difference in his life.

the message was amazing. what i learned:

• God is not just a ray of light. He is everywhere. and ive found this to be true especially in the past few weeks. hes in every breeze. every single rain drop. he is in every moment of every day right there with us watching.
• i cant speak for every person on earth, but i always thought of heaven as above earth. thats untrue. God made GALAXIES. how selfish and self centered for me to think that God only watches earth. He is SO much greater than earth. or our solar system. He made an entire universe in the blink of an eye. He simply… thought it into creation. we are less than a blip on His radar, yet He created us all in His image. how small minded am i to think that heaven is just slightly above earth. its so much bigger than that. unfathomable.
• “We fail God all the time, but never once has He failed us.” God watches us make mistakes all the time and sin multiple times daily. take all of your sins and multiply that by billions and thats how many God sees. most are discouraged by life, but God never once became discouraged but us. thats incredible.
• God will never give us more than we can handle. He wants us to overcome not be overburdened.

just a few things i learned.

serving dinner was so heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. im sure i looked like a goof ball smiling my little heart out while handing out plates of spaghetti, but it was moving. serving others is the greatest joy i think i have ever experienced. so when i found out that i could learn how to fit glasses for a mission trip i was over the moon happy. i literally jumped up and down. the organization is an amazing one and i cannot wait to go to mexico, but this time for mission. this time to make a difference. i WILL go on that mission.

on the way home, the conversation with jordan wasnt just shallow talk. we actually got to know eachother on a deeper level. im so happy we are taking this journey together.

i could go on for days talking about the three hours i spent under the bridge. breaking down every single  moment but im not going to. instead, i will go out and serve. if you want to find God, you dont have to search far. just look within yourself. that gut feeling you get, thats Him. ALWAYS follow your gut feeling. i cant express how joyful i am because of this. only one word can describe this experience: hosanna!

heres to change.

in light of all the change going on in the world and all the change weve been talking about at church ive started thinking about all the people that have changed me these past few years. ive been thinking about how i owe my life to every single one of them and how i want to thank them all, even though some of them dont even know theyve changed me.

so heres to:

emily read: my greatest friend in the entire world. even though she lives hundreds of miles away i know shes there for me. shes inspired me time and time again to be the person i want to be and to be the best version of myself. im so proud of everything shes accomplished and she always understands how im feeling.

mom, dad and troy: thank you for teaching me who to be. i grew up learning from every single one of your mistakes and ive admired every single thing youve overcome. youve taught me to how to and how not to live my life. from you i have gained strength, caution, humor, and hundreds of life lessons. thank you.

mama logan: thank you for bringing me to zoe life. thank you for calling me your daughter. thank you for listening and teaching. you are amazing. i can never thank you enough for giving me a family outside of my own.

zoe life: wes, cindy, molly, melody, dawn, glenda, michael, and every single member of the most accepting church on earth. i cherish every single wednesday night we shared. i learned so much from every single one of you. your values and your courage has inspired me to be a better person. you changed my life. thank you for giving me the happiest rebirthday a girl could ask for

taylor: thank you for being there for me every single day from 3/5/07 to 4/27/09. you brought me to the loft and you may not have wanted me to change, but i changed for the better because of it. you were my best friend and i wish i didnt have to say that in the past tense. you made me want to be a better person every day and you brought me worlds of happiness even though i didnt show it nearly enough. thank you bear. i  miss you.

andy nixon and the loft: from the crowd i have watched you most sundays and some saturdays for almost two years now.  as the weeks progressed, i felt a change inside. and now i can firmly say im not who i was and its because of this church. thank you for opening my eyes and leading me to discover myself. you never sugar coated anything and i needed that.

jackie key: your music saved me. end of story. i am eternally greatful.

coach dube and mrs larkins: you both have inspired me to be a better person. i know youre both proud of me and im glad ive had role models like the two of you.

aunt tyann: thank you for teaching me to be a strong woman. im so proud of everything youve survived.

cassie wills and samantha giamalva: thank you for helping me break through. for being good examples and leading me to exactly where i needed to be.

samantha legros: thank you for letting me try to protect you from all the bad in the world and for having confidence in me when i never have it in myself.

mario: thank you for showing  me how important my friends really are. thank you for picking me up off the floor when i felt like my life had shattered and thank you for being the good christian boy that you are.

stephen: thank you for always inflating my confidence, even though i dont take the compliments they get in. thank you.

kim and molly: thank you for teaching me how important self confidence really is. you are two of the most amazing women i have ever met and i want you to know that you can do anything in the world. God loves you no matter what has happened in your lives. you are LOVED always by Him and by me. and youre in my prayers.

joey amanda and mama glass: thank you for bringing me to recreation and special blessings ministries. its made all the difference in the world. i owe you my sanity.

laura: thank you for giving me perspective and wisdom beyond our years.

jim and the rec team: thank you for providing the most amazing opportunity in the world. i love walking into work every day with a real true smile on my face. ive never felt so happy.

brandon and andrew: thank you both for showing me that good christian boys DO exist. you probably dont know it, but youve both inspired me to get out and make a difference. never stop changing lives boys. youve already changed mine.

 

so heres to change. because i wouldnt be where i am in my walk with Christ if it wasnt for all of you. a million times thank you for making  me who i am. its always a work in progress and im constantly changing myself, but its because of you that this journey is so amazing.